My BODY. BETRAYER. JAILER. HERO? — Ch.il.l. ~ Chronic Illness Life
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Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of inner work toward accepting and possibly even loving my body.
Having been sick and in pain for decades,
It’s a tough one.
But I really want to.
I’m tired of this anger.
This rivalry.
This war.
I know it doesn’t serve me.
I know if I want to thrive, I must find a way.
So I’ve been working at it.
This morning, something in me asked: Are you sure?
Are you sure of the story you tell yourself?
Here’s what came up:
Hard to love a body that’s caused my so much pain for decades. (are you sure?)
Hard to love a body who’s betrayed me. (are you sure?)
Hard to love a body who has limited me all my life. (are you sure?)
What if….
What if my body was actually on my side? (no way)
What if it should have given-up and died many times already. (I can see that)
What if my body, instead of being my enemy, has actually been the greatest ally of my life? (you can’t be serious—like Severus Snape in Harry Potter?)
What if, against all odds, it hung in there for MY benefit? (go on)
What if I misread the situation all along?
What if I’ve hated it, beat-up on it, cursed it, wanted to exchange it,
and been angry at it all my life,
when in fact,
it went above and beyond to support me,
making sure I’d live on to grow,
see beauty,
experience love (awe, wonder),
and know the joy of serving others?
What if…
What if my body was actually supporting me all my life?
What if my body is actually the biggest cheerleader in my life?
What if my body is amazingly powerful rather than weak?
What if my body is actually the unsung hero of my life?
What if…
What if I came to believe this?
What would my body do if I did?
What if I acknowledged the hero?
What is the power of MY love and support?
I want to know.
So I’ll keep working at it.
xox
Annie
Ch.il.l. (Chronic illness living)
Notes.
1- That “little” question “are you sure” is inspired by Martha Beck’s life-transforming new book: The Way of Integrity.
2- My reflections come up during tapping. Thanks to Nick Ortner and The Tapping Solution.
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